


I Fell in Love with a War (Nobody Told Me It Ended)

by tenderguns



Category: At Dead Of Night (Video Game)
Genre: All of my character descriptions come from the way Ollie draws them so cheers for the fuel dude, Canon Compliant, Caring Harvey, F/M, Harvey is Jimmy's father figure, I love Rose so much, In fact I am #1 Rose defender, Past Abuse, Past Domestic Violence, Title from a Mitski Song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 17:48:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29779878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tenderguns/pseuds/tenderguns
Summary: In the wake of a dream, Rose decides to tell Harvey about her first marriage.
Relationships: Rose Hall/Harvey, The Hall Family
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	I Fell in Love with a War (Nobody Told Me It Ended)

"It's okay, Rosie. Just a dream." 

Above everything, above the sick thrill of waking, there was Harvey's voice. 

"You're okay, girl. You're safe. I'm here. I've got you."

His hands on her shoulders. She relaxed an increment.

 _Your life means nothing,_ she repeated to herself, _his_ voice in her ears, her throat thick with emotion, unable to swallow. _Your life means nothing._ Only it must mean something, because here was this man, this good, grumpy, sweet man, who has never once done her harm. Who has never been anything but tolerant. Who has never once said that she _meant nothing,_ never so much as insinuated it, never even given an inkling that this, her worst fear, was true.

"Harvey, she croaked, her eyes still squeezed tightly shut, reaching out for him in the dark. She felt the shift of the mattress as he hauled himself upright, the weight of his arms around her. He pulled her against his chest, and there she allowed her breathing to slow, and grow steady. For a while, they stayed like that; her curled against him, always solid and dependable. Silently, he lifted his head from hers and pressed his lips to her sweaty forehead. 

This was just one of the things she never took for granted about Harvey, how he let her be silent. How he never demanded anything from her. "I love you," she told him, quietly, fiercely. 

"Love you too." A pause, where he tried to pull himself back from her to look at her face, but Rose scooted forward, determined to stay in this moment. "Do you want to... talk about it?"

Rose thought. "I'm not sure I want to talk about the _dream,_ "

"But you want to talk about something?"

"Maybe. I need to... weigh it up, I think." Harvey settled back, spreading his arm wide so his hand rested on the small of her back, and Rose closed her eyes a moment. 

"I haven't really told you much about my life before we met, have I?"

Harvey snorted. "You're the single most secretive woman I've ever met. You've been bloody hard to crack for as long as I've known you."

"Yes." Rose swallowed. She had to make a decision, now. "Do you ever think about any of that stuff? I don't know if I'd like being kept in the dark."

Harvey thought a second, puffing out of his mouth. "I don't love it. But it's not exactly my business, is it? All I know is that I showed up, and now I'm here. I don't have any particular right to anything else."

"Even when I dream about it?"

Jaw clenching a little, Harvey dropped his gaze. "I don't like that it hurts you."

"Do you think it might... be a little easier if I told you a little bit about what it was like?"

"About what?"

Rose swallowed, for courage. "My first marriage."

Harvey raised his eyebrows. "All the grotty details?"

She sat up, twisting to face him, and he sat up straight to match her. "Shut up, Harv. It's important to me. It's why... I wake up like this."

She saw him grow tense. "Is it... is it really rough, Rose?"

"It's not pretty. But it's how I got here."

"I mean do I want to hear this?"

"Probably not. But I think it'll put a lot into perspective. About me... and Jimmy."

Harvey's jaw clenched again, and he looked away. Rose reached out and took his hand, clasping it tight. "You are Jimmy's dad," she said, her voice trembling a little. "You're the only father he's ever known. And you are my husband."

Harvey nodded, and looked up after a moment. "I know that." He squeezed her hand back. "I love you." her told her again. "I just don't want you to put yourself through anything for me."

"Oh, it's far behind me." She said, dismissively. _Not exactly true._

Harvey looked questioningly at her, that disbelieving expression she loved so much on him.

"Well, that doesn't matter. All that matters is whether or not you know."

And then she began.

"You know, I've worked here since I was very young. I was... what, eighteen or nineteen when I started working here? I was just on reception, did a little maid work. It was good, for the money. But then a man bought the hotel so he could promote his shows. That was my first husband. Only we weren't married then, of course. He was an entertainer, a famous one after a while. He was on television. A magician. His name was Hugo."

Harvey nodded, then frowned a little, a crease drawing between his eyebrows. Rose noticed, and continued.

"I was twenty when he bought the hotel. He had just turned forty-two. It was fine, because I was his assistant at first. That was a better job. Better money. And we got on. He was a good boss. And then obviously, that turned into more."

The frown deepened. 

"Don't worry, Harvey. He was... very intriguing to me."

She looked off into the distance wistfully, and an ache grew in Harvey's stomach. "He looked a lot like Jimmy, actually. Lots of long black hair, though. And one of those funny twirly moustaches."

Harvey snorted again.

"I _know,_ Harv. I was a _girl._ But there really is a resemblance. Same bone structure, same nose. Same gap in the teeth." Rose paused. "It can be... hard to look at him sometimes," she said, voice wavering. Harvey moved his hand around hers, rubbing his thumb over hers for comfort. She shook her head to clear it.

"I was very interested, like I said. I think he liked me right away. We weren't together very long before we got married. I think I only accepted because... by that time, I was pregnant, and it was easier to be married with a baby. I was twenty-one."

Harvey watched emotions play lightly over her features like afternoon sun through a window. 

"Yes, I got pregnant in... autumn or winter? I had Jimmy in the early summer. We got married very early the year he was born. Things were... difficult, by that time. I shouldn't have married him. It made things... complicated. I only got pregnant because... I thought..." Her eyes grew full and shining. She couldn't look at Harvey. He watched her face, his own growing slack with an attempt at self-control. The lamplight made alchemy of her swimming eyes.

"I thought having a baby with him would make him happier. Make him take some responsibility. By that time, he was shouting more than he spoke regularly to me. Getting violent regularly. Being pregnant was definitely a better time, though. I was excited to have a baby. And Hugo, well... he couldn't smack me around anymore, at least not properly, because he wanted me to have the baby."

Harvey realised he was trembling with rage. His eyes widened. "Smack you around?" He stood up and started to pace, his head in his hands. "You mean he used to hit you and being _pregnant_ made him do it less?"

Rose turned to face him, staring. "Calm down, Harvey."

"Don't bloody tell me to calm down, Rose. Is this why you don't like loud noises? Or either or us boys getting too close without warning? Oh, God," He let out a sobbing noise into his hands, "Oh, God."

"I know this is a lot for you. But it's going to get worse, so I need you to stay calm. For me. Please sit down, Harvey."

He looked at her, seeing her with new eyes. Rose was shocked to see tears glistening in them.

"Please, sweetheart."

Slowly, carefully, Harvey sat back down on the bed. 

"Can I keep going?" He nodded, begrudgingly. "Good."

"So Hugo wanted to have a child. I think he liked that it... tied me to him. A little tighter than the marriage, anyway. It wasn't common back then, but if a woman wanted out, it was possible. But a baby... that's different. Having a baby with him meant that no matter where I went, he had a direct line to me. So I stayed." A pause to swallow.

"I think a part of him was also... a little... jealous, of Jimmy. He didn't like how having a baby took up so much time. How I didn't have as much time for him anymore. I wonder if that... played a part in what came next."

Harvey shook his head slightly an almost imperceptible movement. "Rose, I can't."

"Please. After Jimmy was born he got... so much worse. Not just to me. To.. to Jimmy. He was just a baby, Harvey. And he'd beat him. When I tried to stop him, I... he... Harvey, I couldn't _stop_ him. I couldn't do anything. When I tried to step in, the... the things he did to me, Harvey. So I stayed for two more years. He hurt my baby. And I stayed. I stayed so he wouldn't kill us."

Harvey's cheeks were smeared with hot, angry tears. "Rose, you can't blame yourself."

"But I _do,_ Harvey. There's no way I can't. I could have ended it so much sooner."

"But you left, that's what matters. How... How did it happen?" Harvey swallowed. "Please. Please tell me."

Rose shook her head, her own tears cascading. "I can't Harvey. If I tell you, I... I think you'll leave me."

"He was hitting your newborn. Nothing you could tell me would be punishment enough."

"I _mean_ it, Harvey. This isn't... playing. This is what I did to save myself. My child." She shook her head. "You're not a mother, Harvey. You don't know what a mother would do for her child."

"Tell me. Rose, you're my wife, and I love you, and I don't care how the fuck you got out of there, I just care that you're here. Please, Rosie. Tell me."

"I..." Rose looked back at him, and her face hardened. Something sparked in her eyes, cold as flint fire. "Well, I killed him. I came across him hurting Jimmy, in the basement, and he was screaming. He didn't see me. I was waiting. I was watching. And I- oh, Harvey. I was holding Jimmy's baseball bat."

Harvey's face was grim, but he nodded, slowly. "So you went after him."

"I ran in, for momentum. Hugo was still bent over Jim. I didn't think- I was certain he wouldn't remember. He was only a toddler, after all. So I started to beat him. I know where I hit him. It didn't take long. But I kept going after he went under. I couldn't stop. All of those years, Harvey. They came flooding out of me. I can't describe it. But it was..." A slow smile spread across her face. "After the day I married you, it was the happiest moment of my life."

Harvey chilled, and shook his head to steady himself. 

Rose stared at him. "Do you hate me for it?"

Harvey breathed out, slowly. 

"Harvey?" A note of panic in her voice.

"It's a lot to take in, Rose."

"I know, I- I shouldn't have gone this far, I didn't mean to tell you this much. _Shit_ ," She turned her head to the side, dragged the back of her hand across her face.

"Stop that." Harvey leaned forward and took her hands in his. "Just because I don't understand anything you went through, doesn't mean I don't understand that you had to do it." Rose opened her mouth to speak, but Harvey quietened her. "If anyone, _anyone_ , put a hand on you or the boy, I'd kill them too." Again, Rose tried to speak, but Harvey shook his head. "I mean that."

Rose blustered, "you're just saying that because I'm here. This was a mistake-"

"No, it's not. Is this a massive bloody shock to the system? Yes. Do I blame you? Not. One. Fucking. Bit. I'm going to learn from this, Rosie." He nodded earnestly, staring into her eyes. "I'm going to be a better husband to you. I'm going to do whatever you need me to, to help you deal with what you've been through. I promise you. We're in this."

Rose looked at him for a second, weighing his expression, and then her face split into laughter. After a moment of trying to twist his lips into a stern frown, Harvey began to chortle too. Tears still leaking down both of their faces, they leaned their foreheads together and just _laughed._ Rose threw her arms around Harvey's neck, and he instinctively clasped her to him, his arms tight around her waist.

"Jesus, Harvey," she breathed laughter against his neck. 

"I _know_. But listen, I mean it."

"I know you do. Thank you. Thank you so much."

"No. Thank you. Thank you for trusting me. It means everything to me."

Pulling back from him, Rose pushed her hair back from her forehead. She looked at him with new eyes, and smiled. Harvey looked to the door, then back to his wife. "I'm going to be honest, I don't think either of us is going to get any more sleep."

Rose laughed. "Yes, you have a point." She stood up shakily, her legs still trembling, and offered him her hand. "Night cap?"

Harvey grinned. "Sure, I could go for a whiskey right about now,"

"Stop it, you dog." She swatted at him. "I'll make hot chocolate. Quiet, though. Jimmy's asleep."

Harvey's eyes widened, and he looked to the door again. 

"You're fine. Don't leave me hanging."

Together, they walked down the hallway in comfortable, companionable silence, taking the stairs to avoid the creaking _thunk_ of the old lifts.

In the blue light of the kitchen, Harvey looked at Rose properly, surveying her as she found the cocoa and a saucepan. She was barefoot, he realised, the thin material of her nightdress glowing transparent where it didn't lie flush against her body, her hair loose over her shoulders. She looked remarkably young. He suddenly realised that he meant every single word he said. Looking at her, he knew that whatever he could do for her, he'd do. Wherever she chose to go, he'd follow - as far as he could justify, that is. He's not a total jellyfish. The thought made him smile. Rose turned around, and smiled back at him. As she sat at the table, waiting for the milk to warm, a shadow flickered into the doorway. Harvey turned his head, and saw Jimmy, barefoot, rubbing his eyes, and startled a little.

"Hey, our kid. You alright?"

Rose looked over his shoulder, and stretched her arms out for Jimmy. "What's up, baby? Couldn't sleep?"

Jimmy rolled his eyes even as he went to his mother and let her hug him. "Yeah. I heard you and Harvey coming downstairs. And I'm _twelve_. I'm not a _baby_ , Mum."

"Ah, but you are, you'll always be my baby," she said teasingly, rocking him slightly in her arms. Harvey saw him roll his eyes again, but the smallest of smiles twitched on his mouth. Over Jimmy's shoulder, Rose smiled at her husband. Harvey smiled back. He looked at her, his wife, a woman he knew could overcome everything. A fierce Madonna cradling her son, her most precious thing, who did not even know what she had done for him. He looked at her holding her son, and knew what she had said earlier was true. A mother would do anything for her child. _Their_ child.

Warmth flooded Harvey's chest. He took in the image of the two entwined, his little family, and knew he would take care of them, whatever they were. 

That he would protect them, with everything he had.


End file.
